Grief is a strange bedfellow

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This grieving process is very foreign to me. It’s been so long since someone close to me died that I truly don’t remember much about the ensuing days after the initial shock.  So I am finding it kind of fascinating to see when it hits me. Within the first two weeks between learning of her death and the memorial brunch, just talking about her had me in tears. Yet, the very day after the brunch when we took her dad to place her ashes with her mom’s I was largely fine.

Since then I find I can talk about her without issue. I see her chair & chest of drawers and pictures of her and books and all the other things I brought home from her house every day.

I anticipate that there are some things that will make me choke up – certain events we used to share for instance that will be hard to handle the first time they come around and she is not there. Lord knows if I’ll ever be able to go to T’s Cafe again given the way I sobbed just driving past the damn place the day of the brunch!! But those are known triggers.

Then one morning last week as I drove in to work, with a song on the radio that had nothing to do with her at all and with no reason whatsoever for her to be on my mind – I started crying. I was quite frankly shocked. I drove on fighting back the tears and just wondering where in the devil that had come from? Was it the rain that was falling perhaps since the last time it had rained was when she died? I have no idea. But I learned that grief will hit you when it wants to hit you and there is not a whole lot that can be done about it.

Just make sure you bring tissues.

5 thoughts on “Grief is a strange bedfellow

  1. You’re very right. It hits you when you least expect it. Sometimes months will go by then you’re fully engulfed in the grief.

    Anniversaries are tough, too. Like an anniversary of the last time you did something with her, or of the first time you did something with her.

    Lots of tissue. I suppose that’s why I found about ten boxes throughout the house the other day. A box here. One there. Four in one closet. Two in another. And today I found one under the bed.

    At some point, you’ll find that the grief comes less and less often and the moments when a smile accompanies a memory of her will be more and more.

  2. Katie in NH

    My darling friend. As you know my dance with grief has been a constant in my life for about 20 years of deaths of family and friends…and i’ve learned that at times grief is a comfort and if you allow yourself to wrap yourself in it like a blanket for a while you can emerge stronger and more whole aftewards..don’t fight it, don’t try to be how you think you should be — there is grace in grieving the loss of a life well lived. Blessings to you and prayers for the memory of your dear friend.

    Katie

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