If you are going to write every day, you will sometimes need assistance on the topics – so yes, I will this time be lurking on the NaBloPoMo site for ideas. I won’t always be matching them with the proper day, but I will use them for inspiration.
The one I will borrow for today is actually from yesterday and it is very very timely:
“Are you good at hiding your feelings or is your face an open book?”
Uh…yeah..no, no I am not good at hiding my feelings. At ALL! Forget my face – which I know will break into a scowl or frown or involuntary giggles at the slightest prompt. Poker face? Not even close! I could never play that game!
Worse though, is that I also seem to have absolutely NO ability to hold my tongue – or my fingers – from responding/reacting to things heard or read.
For instance – yesterday I had to remove a friend from Facebook. Over politics, of course. It was sad because I have known this person for over 20 years. But she has often either in person or online made me feel…uncomfortable? She’s said things that made me cringe but that I could sweep under my mental rug from time to time especially since I don’t have to interact with her face to face that much anymore. She posted something on her Facebook wall that initially I could have ignored. However, another friend of hers (not someone I know) made a comment and asked a question that drew out a response from her that I just COULD NOT ignore.
I guess I should have though.
My comment in reply to her statement (and in support of her other friend) was, I thought, very logical, respectful and always impersonal. I never use “you” statements and absolutely never call anyone names or infer a lack of character or patriotism EVER. While I find it hard NOT to respond, I do always respond with what I hope to be some grace and intelligence. At least, I always read it back to myself and try to find any place where *I* might take offense or insult before I hit “post”.
Unfortunately, I still sparked something in her and the response I got caused me to break off the friendship. She got personal – very personal, dragging my son into the discussion and well, the line was crossed and I was done.
Now, you could argue that I could have kept my fingers off the keyboard and remained friends with her. Kept things nice and on the surface and never connected on any level other than small talk and chats about our families.
Or you could argue that I finally hit that layer in her that I had perhaps always sensed was there and which would have inevitably have pushed me away from her anyway. I mean, even that small talk about our kids was apparently being logged away in her mind and creating judgment against me that she was perfectly willing to use.
Still, I am sad, and I did start the conversation so I may feel some regret about that for a little while.
But I just can’t keep those things hidden J
In a similar vein I have been kind of avoiding talking to a co-worker for a few weeks. You see, I knew..or rather, suspected deeply, that she was pregnant. I had lots of strong signals but I knew that having had a miscarriage already that she wouldn’t want to say anything until she felt in the clear. But, I just KNEW! And it was so hard NOT to say something! So, I avoided her somewhat. Talked only about work, not about some of our usual more personal interactions. We are close enough that I went to her wedding and we do normally share a lot. So, I avoid.
Because I cannot keep things hidden.
And then she finally confessed yesterday – she IS pregnant! 13 weeks along now and they have some fantastic sonogram photos and I am SO HAPPY for her!
And happy that I can talk to her again.
Of course this means that I will need to find a temp employee in the spring, but – I don’t care!
Because I cannot keep the joy I feel for her hidden