Category Archives: Parenting

Don’t lose hope for those teenagers!


I know, if you have one in the house you experience pretty non-stop sarcasm, eye rolls, laziness beyond belief and bedrooms that would scare a skunk. But sometimes….SOMETIMES….they do show signs of being human.

Por ejemplo….

Last weekend 16 and his dad borrowed my lawn mower to use at a rental property of theirs that had an extremely overgrown yard. After a day of working with his dad (yes, his knee is healing that well!)..they dropped it back off and I asked him if he now knew how to use the mower.

“Yep” he declared. (shock..I figured he would see where I was going with this…)

So then I told him that it sounded like he was ready to take over the lawn mowing duties from his older brother and if that was the case, then could he please plan on doing that Saturday?

“Sure. I can do that.”….(huh? who are you?)

So, Friday rolls around and I reminded him about the yard work and since he had plans to go up to a friend’s house in the evening, then he should plan for yard work time before leaving.

“Yeah, no problem, I’m not heading up there until after 5pm anyway.”…(wow, four days later and he’s still not only open to it, but not even whining about it?!”

Saturday I go for my weekend trail run (moved it away from Easter Sunday to free up the day) and get home around 10am. He’s awake and watching tv on the sofa. I’ve decided that it would be better for me to do my part of the weeding on the hillside while I am still grimy from the run so I grab something to eat and then mention that I’m going to head outside.

“Yeah, good idea, let’s get it done.”…he says without a hint of a grumble and then turns off the TV to go get a shirt…(seriously, who IS this?!!)

Not only does he mow the lawn, but he dumps the cuttings and even helps pull some of the weeds. I really didn’t want him up on the hillside on his knee so I did most of that work but he cleaned up everything after me so all I had to do was pull weeds.

Side note: I take to yard work sort of like I do laundry – I love the PROCESS – but I HATE the cleaning up (or, the folding & putting away). There have been many times when I spent hours trimming bushes and pulling weeds only to leave the debris on the hillside or the sidewalk for the next day because I just COULD NOT face putting it in the trash can.

With 16 doing that dreaded final step, we were done with what I wanted cleared out in less than 90 minutes. In the end, there was a teensy bit of whining whle we were working – of course! There had to be right? But it was pretty equally coming from me as much as him! And considering how cooperative he had been leading into it – who cares??!!

Now if only I could find the magic potion that would KEEP him this way :)

May 11th – And you think I run to stay in shape!


I run to get out of here and clear my head and focus on myself for 30-60 minutes at a time. If it happens to keep my body in shape too – well, BONUS!

(Ok, not entirely true but I have to admit that getting out of here last time was my primary goal)

Chip is back in the vets office. Not constipated. His bladder was blocked so he’s staying overnight with an IV for dehydration and a catheter to get everything drained.

Given that peaceful situation it’s no wonder that 26 and I had a bit of a conflict today right? Yeah. Let’s just say we weren’t communication really well about things especially since I woke up at 4:30am to find Chip listless near my bed and my attempts to give him water were unsuccessful. Then I had to take his friend to work (long story) and THEN I came back home to tell him to step up and call the vet and take Chip in himself because I had to get to work (dammit!). Some defensive freak out attitude later resulted in me snapping and yelling at him and slamming the door and just about screeching wheels to get the hell out of here.

Flash forward to coming home from work – meetings and more meetings but at least some GOOD ones with my staff who truly are the best group ever that I have – squeezed in between that a random complaint from a maintenance manager about one of my staff speeding through the parking garage (clearly that guy was having a bad/stressful day to not only flip out about that but then to confront my employee a second time, get his name and march down to tell me about it all) – where was I? Oh yeah, get home to further clear the air with 26 and find myself barely able to contain composure again. I’m supposed to be heading out to meet with Eve because our website traffic has gone in the toilet thanks to some Google Penguin crap (don’t ask) and I had to take a breather first. Then I go to 15′s room where he is playing Xbox while waiting for his dad to get here. Wanted to tell him I was heading out – all I do is put my hand on his shoulder and say hi “WHAT?!” comes back in return with about as much disgust as a 15 year old can muster. I just said “Hi – bye” and backed out slowly before tears started.

Yeah – I think I will be heading to the doctor next week for a hormonal check up. Been feeling off just enough to see that there is more going on than just the day to day stresses of life and I am taking them WAY too hard for no real reason. Might be time for a new b/c pill to get me over the last few years to menopause.

For the record – I named this the Merry Month of May series – who stole the merry?

Whatever – I’ll sleep well tonight because I know Chip is getting the medical attention he needs, the boyfriend will back me up if the vet wont take a payment plan, 26 and I got our crap out and are totally on the same wavelength again and 15 is with his dad for another day. I’ll settle up with him on the attitude next week. Also? Having friends to run away to for quesadillas and bourbon REALLY helps!

Speaking of quesadillas – Siri impressed the hell out of me today by recognizing that word on the 1st attempt. Smart phones – indeed!

 

Dear Generation Z


This?

This was not invented by you guys.

I know, I know – you don’t believe the world EXISTED before you, let alone that anyone living in it (such as your parent’s generations) ever did ANYTHING remotely scandalous or fun.

Now, the irony of someone like ME telling you this is not lost. I was (and still am sometimes) as straight laced and naive as you could be. There was a LOT OF STUFF going on at my high school that flew right over my innocent little head. I hear stories now about which teacher was sleeping with which student(s) and it curls my hair and makes me clutch my pearls in shock.

And yet.

Trust me when I say that the stuff you guys are writing in your year books is EXACTLY THE SAME as what we wrote in ours. We were rude and crude and dropped words our own parents didn’t think we knew in those things. You guys are not the first teens to do that. No sir.

Last year 15 refused to let me see his yearbook. Naturally I snuck in when he was gone and looked (hush). You know what I found? Nothing. I honestly saw nothing written in there that would be considered shocking. Whatever he was so embarrassed about was so tame that right now I could not tell you what it was for sure. (nor would I, if I could, but the point is – I have no clue!) A couple of months later I asked him about it again and offered to show him my year book from high school first. Just so he could see that he and his buddies are not doing anything NEW. It was like an epiphany to him!

And now it’s happened again. The other day he asked me “Mom, do you know what 420 means. You know, not the date but what it MEANS?” Uh, yeah son, I do.  Did you think that was a new thing with your generation? Yes?! Oh well, you might want to run that one through the Wikipedia machine to see exactly when that started:

See that? 1971!! Whose generation is that? Baby Boomers! That’s even one generation older than MINE! (Ok, so I am right on the cusp. Boomers usually end in 1964 and since I was born the 3rd day of 1965 I try to ride the Gen X wave and I kinda think I pull it off.) Anyway, I was only 6 in 1971 so clearly the folks starting this trend were at least 10 years or so older. Perhaps it wasn’t until the 90′s that it really took off, but the point is – it WASN’T you guys!!

Look – stuff that comes out from one generation to another might be different urban slang and certainly music does keeps sorta evolving. I would say that hair and fashion progress, but sometimes I think all designers got stuck somewhere between 1975-1985 and haven’t been able to release :-) Anyway, point is, some stuff has been around for DECADES for teen kids and those three things are:

Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll!

Lord – even I had to eye-roll at how old school that sounds.

In the meantime, understand that just because I don’t PARTAKE in these things does not mean I don’t KNOW about them.

And 15? I’m sorry, but your brother already pulled the 4/20 party wool off my eyes so it is NOT happening! Sucks to be the youngest, I know.

(Disclaimer to anyone reading this who knows 15 – he is so far about as far away from anything remotely like a 420 dude that there is no worry here at all. This whole thing mostly just amuses me how he thinks all of this is NEW)

Now, go back to doing your homework please.

Love, me

Dear nerves


I am sorry, but you are going to be sorely tested over the next few months. Be strong! (Actually, he did pretty well and I did too! This was taken as we pulled onto our street on the way home from a workout in the park. He drove there and back and I only had to grab the door handle for dear life once :) )

Dear 15


You are such a cool kid. Really. I know I spend a lot of time right now lamenting your seriously lacking study habits, but you are otherwise still a joy to be around (most of the time). You laugh easily, have a great sense of humor, still like watching tv with me and generally talking about tons of things openly. Other THAN formal school work, you show a desire to learn and take advice pretty well (from everyone but your parents of course – check that – sometimes you even take advice from me!)

But after having a not so glorious night of homework nagging & arguing with you, I have to admit (and I am not prone to this type of sentimentality but…) I really really miss this kid:

Love, me

Dear Betty Lou


I’m pretty sure 15 is going to drive me to stow away on a cruise ship soon. Preferably one heading someone warm with fizzy umbrella drinks being served hourly.

Probably one of the biggest issues I’ve noticed with him is his lack of ability to develop good working relationships with his teachers. He acts like talking to them and asking for help and or asking for clarification on a grade (or lack of one) equates to a death sentence.

He will constantly tell me what’s WRONG with his teachers of course, but he will never address anything on his own. According to him – moms of teens say it with me – they all suck! They hate him! Blah blah whine whine.

Even with me being on top of his assignments to the best of my ability, he is still getting zeroes on homework. Homework that he actually DOES! How the eff does that happen? I watch him do it, watch him put it in the proper subject notebook (with his damn name on it yes) and STILL that goddam red box appears.

When I tell him to ask about it – “Oh, I don’t know what happened but it’s too late now because excuse excuse excuse…” Argh! How can he just accept that?!

Well, I don’t and today I emailed two teachers about those – I’m waiting on a response but really..I don’t get that it is so hard to ask them while he is there? “Hey Prof, I showed you this on Friday – see, you stamped it – why is it a zero on the gradebook?” Why so difficult?!!

What I need to do is get him to think of his teachers as football coaches.

Why?

Because he LOVES them! He develops relationships with them! We saw his football coach while we were at the school Saturday watching a baseball game – no hesitation but he was right up there giving Coach a fist bump and chatting away. He’s TOLD me about times he’s spoken with him about improving his skills. He mentions when coach tells him he ran a good route in practice. All through Pop Warner he had no problem talking to Coach Wolfie.

WHY can’t he apply those techniques to his teachers???!!!!!

I’m telling ya – Bahamas – here I come – and don’t try to find me until he graduates. And if he doesn’t? Fine – just send sun screen.

Love, me.

 

Dear Martha – part 2 – HELP!


I think we all know 15′s academic challenges and such

He’s doing better thanks to me keeping that thumb on his forehead all the time. Even nearly finished with online driver’s ed as I mentioned. Last week, they had to meet with their counselor and sign up for 11th grade classes.

I wasn’t too focused on it because I didn’t think he’d get too aggressive with his courses. All he asked was about shuffling his summer online course targets to take Spanish 3 online vs Chemistry. He mentioned nothing else and when I asked him if he needed signatures he said yes, but that he’d get his dad’s (since I didn’t see him Friday after school).

 He forgot, of course, to go online and select his classes before the deadline so thanks to me asking about it again yesterday – he went into the counselor’s office today to sign up manually for the following classes:
English
Football PE
Chemistry
APUSH
AP Calc A/B
AP Comp Programming
GULP!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew he’d do AP History since that is the one AP class he has this year (and he loves it though he didn’t do well in 1st semester. He is doing much better so far).
Comp Programming is his “elective” which he can take as long as he passes the language requirement in summer.
Now, how (you might ask) does he go from a non AP math class in 10th grade – Math Analysis into AP Calc? Because he ALSO intends to take Pre-calc this summer online. Yes – TWO full year courses over the summer – which he points out is not that out of range when you consider he HAS to stay in town thanks to football weight training which will ALSO get him up early in the mornings. After Pre-calc, the only CALC classes at TPHS are AP. Same with Computer Programming. So he’s tentatively signed up (pending summer school success) for three AP classes in 11th grade.
I’m quaking in my boots NOW because I know what it takes out of ME to get him to do his work this year……HELP!! Cloning! STAT!

Dear Martha


I’m feeling a lack of inspiration…or..*motivation*…when it comes to the blog. I think I need to switch things up for a bit.

A few of the sites that I follow pretty much use their blog as an online journal. They write in what feels like a stream of consciousness style and while I’ve thoroughly loved reading it – I’ve also been totally unable to DO that.

Perhaps it’s because I never was a diary gal?  I knew a few people who were, and I have a vague memory of trying to keep a journal once or twice but never being able to stick with it.

Maybe I need to address it to a name vs a having the pressure of “diary writing”? Fine. The first name that popped into my head was Martha. So that’s what you get today.

Dear Martha,

So – life is cool right now. 26 is doing great. His part time job he landed at the end of December has turned into nearly always full time and this past week even rolled into some pretty significant overtime. It’s great that he now has some money to pay his bills (translation = I don’t have to! Yay!), but may I bitch for one teensy moment? He did get a job that is technically walking distance from home, though it’s not a simple 5 minute walk. Consequently I am still often giving him rides. This morning that means dropping him off at 7am, coming home to eat breakfast and then dropping 15 off at school before heading on to work. When he gets off at 3 he’s on his own to get home. On the weekends though, he works 3-11pm. Yup, that’s on me OR, I ignore his lack of a driver’s license and let him take the car. What this translates to is me no longer being 100% in control of my comings and goings. I always have to account for his work shifts. It’s wearing me down a bit I must confess. And yet – he has really really settled down emotionally and mentally since getting this job. The highs and lows are no longer to an extreme – I think he’s just too darn tired to allow himself to go through them! Plus, he is more self aware of his moods now and I can tell he learning how to moderate them more effectively on his own. IOW – he’s growing up! I suppose most moms would get all sentimental about that. Frankly, I’m more of the “Its about damn time!” mentality. But yeah, it’s awesome to see.

In two weeks I take both 26 and 15 to the DMV to start the license getting process. 15 will finish his online driver’s ed course this week and should get his learner’s permit. 26 has finished more than 85% of his DUI classes and can reapply for his full license again. Oh joy – I get to worry about not one, but TWO of them driving around! OTOH – if he can get a car, that would mean my issues with driving 26 to work will be removed so…yay! Of course, 15 is also pushing for a motorcycle license. Oh fuck NO! Hell no. Not a chance. My problem is that his dad is on his side on that one. WTF? Sigh…I’m going to try and argue for 18 at LEAST until he starts that dangerous game.

Parenting boys is not for the feint of heart, I tell ya.

Running is going well. Put in about 15 miles last week. Two 45 min runs and one 90 min run. The 90 mins on Sunday was pretty cool since it was on a new trail and one that I used to go on for birding over two decades ago. Lordy – can you imagine telling the 1992 version of me that I would be RUNNING that whole trail in 20 years? Pretty sure my reaction would have been to have you checked into a mental ward. But no – there I was running San Elijo lagoon from east to west and back again. 7 miles. It wasn’t easy by a long shot though. Anything after 5 always pushes me to some painful places. It’s good to do, but I really am convinced that the 5k distance is my sweet spot.

Work is work….keeps me going though I really hope they find a way to increase my pay grade this year. 2 years in a row with no increase is not so awesome when the cost of living doesn’t stay flat. In my quest to supplement that flat income I’ve been trying all sorts of things that – like the whole running thing – I never would have imagined before. But – those things really pique my interest and I see potential so I keep plugging away with web writing and researching and hoping something works out more than just the Adsense revenue and a couple of book sales.

And see…I’m already bored with myself!

I do better when I’m bitching about other people and things ;->

Life = it is what it is.

Need consumer reviews on San Diego Driving Schools


Drivers School Flyers

Drivers School Flyers

OK San Diego locals – HELP!

Even though Alex still needs to earn a proper GPA in order to get his complete license, I do want to get him signed up and ready to get his permit so he can start lessons and practicing.

However, which company should I use?

I get these three flyers in the school newspaper every month. Same three.

I’ve heard of Bakkers – that’s who we used for my older son but this was before there was an online option – he hated the classes as all teens do but I honestly don’t remember being either thrilled or angry with them. Yet the majority of online reviews I find are bad. There was ONE good one. The rest were all pretty nasty.

So, I hesitate and ask you guys – which one should I use? Is there another one that doesn’t send flyers that you recommend? I really really want personal recommendations and reviews here. If you don’t want to put anything in comments for whatever reason (which you can do anonymously though that defeats the purpose of me knowing the reviewer.) you can email me directly at christina010365@gmail.com.

Thanks so much for your help!

Motivation….detected..maybe?


Thanks to many wonderful suggestions after my post last week, I had a few productive conversations with Alex.

He clearly needed to see a pathway for himself. A concrete reason to go to college, otherwise he wasn’t going to care – ever – about high school. I didn’t have one big lecture session – instead I had short conversations mostly with me asking questions and not reacting or passing judgement. On his own he announced that maybe he should give in to the obvious nerd side of the family and focus on math and science to possibly study computer science or programming in college. Hallelujah! A goal!

So that lead to some discussion on HOW he could achieve that. He spoke about being frustrated that he hadn’t take the right series of math classes and how his school didn’t offer anything BUT an AP version of pre-calculus. He knew that given his Math Analysis grade (c) he would probably not be able to qualify for pre-calc in 11th grade. He also talked again about wanting to take Chemistry (2nd lab science which is required) in summer school. Which, again at Torrey Pines, they don’t have summer school. In other words – any time he would perhaps focus on what he might want to do, he felt there were immovable obstructions so – he shut down.

As we talked, my brain finally woke up  - hello world – I have worked at National University for 26 years. Almost 10 years ago now, the company launched an affiliate school – National University Virtual HIGH SCHOOL!! Lawdy. How dense was I? NUVHS has fully accredited classes for both the minimum UC (University of California) WASC, and NCAA accreditation. Classes aren’t free of course, but they are also not wildly expensive. With my staff discount and splitting tuition with his dad, it is completely doable. He can finish a semester course in 8-16 weeks online. If he takes to the format, he could meet his goals as far as class load. On his own while we talked to the counselors today he volunteered to give up a spring sport (he was going to try track instead of baseball) and focus on his 2nd semester grades and taking a VHS class at the same time. Aggressive approach, but he knows he needs to kick start things academically sooner rather than later.

The best part is that the less than helpful college counselor situation at Torrey has been resolved. VHS counselors will support him all the way whether he is full time or not. He will get the one on one support he needs to get the class load and grades he needs to meet his college goals.

The worst part is – he starts with English as soon as next week. Because he failed 1st semester which we saw once we came home from our meeting :-( Not quite what he had hoped since we had talked about starting off with Pre-calc, but that will have to wait until summer now. If he is really serious, he can possibly take 2 classes at once and still knock out his science and bring his math up to the level he wants. We’ll see. One class at a time. At least HE is the one showing an interest and coming up ideas and plans he can live with.