You might live with a teenager if…….

             You Might Live With A Teenager If….

• The doors in your house no longer just close – they SLAM
• Your sanity and memory are questioned a dozen times a day…
• …by the same person who cannot remember to put on shoes before getting in the car to go to school.
• You hear “GODDAM!” and then THUD and then SLAM and then THUD THUD THUD and learn quickly that you better save whatever you are working on because the router is about to be reset and no one is going to warn you before you hear the “click click” and then the fading THUD THUD THUD and another SLAM as he returns back to his online video game that had stalled.
• You watch him do a homework assignment, put it in his folder and then into his backpack and two days later see a big fat ZERO in a RED BOX where the grade should be. Why? Oh, you mean the teacher wanted a NAME on that?!
• It takes a minimum of three visits to his bedroom to get him out of bed.
• He only showers after he’s made your eyes water from the stench.
• You cringe as you make him do the dishes. Because you know he *should* help out. So you stick to your guns and make him do it. But, darn it all you really LIKE your dishes and don’t want to have to buy a new set!
• There is no visible carpet in his room
• Even the cats refuse to go in there
• He lives entirely out of his hamper of clean clothes because it would be a menace to society for clean clothes to put way or hung up. When the hamper is empty – it’s time to do laundry again. (you know where the dirty clothes end up in between, right?!)
• You no longer bother asking “are you hungry?” – you just leave food out for constant grazing.And no, it wont ruin his appetite for dinner.
• Your kitchen is sparkling clean when you go to bed – and then looks like a tornado hit it when you come downstairs the next morning.
• There are random holes in the walls.
• You are quite certain you didn’t get a lobotomy – yet the occupants of the house treat you as if you did.
• You thank the cell phone providers for unlimited text plans and e-bills. Actually, the postal workers thank them for the e-bills – can you imagine the sizes of those things if they had to deliver them to your mailbox every month?
• He takes great pride in redefining “lazy”.
• His friend’s are never referred to by proper names, but rather by their Xbox screen names or whatever nick names they’ve created. Almost all are incredibly rude and shouldn’t be repeated in even semi-polite company. “Fat Ass” is the least offensive one. And it’s applied to a 6’1″ 160lb string bean.
• You shake your head at LEAST once a day (more often if it’s a weekend day) and mumble “why why why did I have kids?” or “Please, take my teenager – PLEASE!”….or “I *thought* the baby I took home from the hospital was human…?” or (most frequently) “God…I. Just. Don’t. Understand. Maybe a beer/wine/vodka will help”

This list is far from complete. And yes, it is male teen specific since that is all I know. It is also culled from my years with both of them so don’t assume these all apply to the current teen in the house. The now 26 year old had plenty of his own contributions!

Have a great weekend and if you DO have a teen in the house – *clink*