I’m OK…..I think.

I think, therefore I am, I think.

by mcmom

Funny how there was a perfect sig line quote for today! For the past 10 days or so, I think I may have been channeling my Jewish friends as they began the celebration of their new year. Alto2 provides a very beautiful presentation of this tradition on her site. I’ve been very introspective and also very hard on myself. Mostly, I think I have been thinking too much! First there was a very classic case of me messing up the very thing that I lectured someone else about. About 48 hours after telling one friend that that it pays to think about just how brutally honest you need to be (will the person be receptive, is it really all that helpful, and are you really saying it to help someone or just to get something off your own chest etc etc), I forgot all those rules and completely stuck my foot in my mouth with another friend. I did apologize, but the silence was deafening and I beat myself up pretty good over that for a few days considering that it should have been fresh on my mind to follow my own advice, right? Argh. Then I start to notice all sorts of little things about me that irritate me! I over analyzed every social interaction. What I said, my perception of reactions etc etc. Fun fun fun! At the same time it did not help that I threw my sleep patterns off about 2 weeks ago which is just starting to settle down a bit now. I had way too many days/nights or over-caffienation resulting in little 3-4 hour spurts of restless sleep. I think I have mentioned before how that just does not work for me at all!! So I am quite sure that heightened my little introspective obsession. On the other hand, reading about Rosh Hashanah has given me some perspective. Maybe it was a little internal checkup that I needed to undertake. Though I will emphasize *little* so that I stop feeling as if I have a huge, flashing neon arrow over my head reading “Look at this weirdo!” 🙂

Self awareness is good. Introspection is good. Atonement is good. Changing bad habits is good. Taking things one day at a time and one bad habit at a time is even better.

And sitting in a jacuzzi with SP and nothing to do for about a week would be heaven.