Ah, technology

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
 --Alanis (Out is Through)

First, I need to share this poem written by my friend Bill Harnsberger (aka Bill in Portland Maine), Official Comedy Writer for DailyKos who created this little ditty. You may recognize it as a parody of The Rainbow Bridge. Bill lost his trusty PC this week and needed to write about his loss:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Bill Gates Bridge.

When a computer dies that has been especially close to someone here, that PC goes to Bill Gates Bridge.

There are message boards and chat rooms for all of our special ‘puters so they can run and play together. There is plenty of spyware, adware and firewalls, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the PCs that had melted or seized up or got infected are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed by their owners when the goddam things didn’t work like they were supposed to—or didn’t auto-save a critical file before they went kablooey—are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of the day we pulled them out of their styrofoam-packed boxes and said, “We really shoulda gotten a Mac this time.”

The PCs are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss taunting and toying with their former users—who cursed and shook their fists and gave them all manner of obscene gestures—who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly freezes up and looks into the distance. His bright spycam eyes are intent; His eager hard drive quivers. Suddenly he begins to re-boot, flying through the Windows start-up sequence, his processor making him run faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy Windows welcome music rains upon your ears; your hands again caress the beloved mouse, and you look once more into the trusting monitor of your PC, so long gone from your life but never absent from your memories of the greatest temper tantrums you ever threw at it.

Then you cross Bill Gates Bridge togeth[SYNTAX ERROR 404 Please reboot your computer or call Microsoft Customer Support. Goodbye.]

— Bill Harnsberger

Aint he genius? As I wiped the tears from my eyes after reading this, I thought of how we rely so heavily on technology now. This week I saw a segment on HDnet’s Dan Rather Reports about a cyber attack on Estonia which pretty much crippled the entire nation for over a week. Their nation has nearly every service possible setup on the internet so it really was a huge deal when it’s servers were bombarded with hits. Jax called me earlier this week looking for help after yet another virus attack on her system. One of my employees has been unable to access our main program for the last 3 days. The double edged sword of life on the internet. We do so much more in an hour than we ever could before, but if something goes wrong…disaster! Now, I am as addicted as anyone. I’m also lucky so far. 12 years of playing/working/banking/shopping etc on the internet and I’ve never had a major viral attack. And yes, always on the PC platform since that is what I have at work. Sure, the kids have downloaded stuff that created problems, but they were just little things that have been fixable (or else my always active Norton is picking it up). I have had issues with the wireless within the house and I tell ya, when that is down, I am very very out of sorts! It’s like a part of my own body is sick. Craaaazy.

Just to add to the craziness, I found a great way to use my new addiction. My blackberry pearl phone where I get all my emails no matter where I am. This week it has come in very handy as football and baseball schedules were changing with very little notice, but since I essentially carry my email with me, I was buzzed with each update and was able to adjust. Last night, as I was again getting a pre-sleep inspiration for a blog post – the kind that normally escapes me by the next morning – I remembered that the phone has a notepad function. So, I quickly picked it up (it charges up in my room at night and I put it on sleep mode so that it is silent, but still on) and typed in my idea. Suh-WEET!!!!