Where I’ve Been

I feel like I should be putting up a “Hello World” post as I have been away from this space for so long.

I’m writing in here now to summarize a week that has been rather mind blowing which is also a culmination of the past 18 months or so which required my full attention in more ways than I could imagine, but which meant that blogging was no longer an option.

So here’s the things I’ve been doing really since about the summer of 2013 which was the beginning of Alex’s senior year – a deep dive into ME and sorting out what it is I want to do with myself as an Empty Nester (aka: the rest of my adult life):

• yoga
• mindful meditation
• chi gong
• visualizations
• affirmations
• journal writing – some deep dives (over on my Torrey Pines Reflections site at one point + nightly gratitude and/or moments of fun + joy
• working in a group with a coach who specializes primarily in mindful weight loss, but who has become a friend and life coach for me
• re-opening myself to spirituality – still quite secure in my non-belief in any one God who must be worshiped, but completely open to the unexplained energies of the universe. It’s a faith in the connectivity of all people that thrives on sharing love.
• Decided to treat a current moderately annoying health issue naturally – no hormones or surgery for 6 months. Herbal solutions and acupuncture instead. I just want to get to menopause as non invasive as possible!
• stopped being paid to write
• started a bookkeeping business
• both boys moved out (youngest off to college so intermittently temporary, but still…)
• bought tap shoes, an instructional dvd and a portable dance floor and started practicing again
• invited a roommate to move in – no rent – just because I believe in her, in what she does, and because she was in a really shitty place that was preventing her from reaching her goals. One year plan. She’ll be on her feet again next summer.
• pulled away so many layers of decades long frustration & insecurity around my ability to have and keep peer related friends
• completely shifted my mindset about wealth – no longer working from a position of scarcity, but instead from a position of abundance. I now know I can generate it and I am learning to trust myself on how best to use it to reach my dreams
• For the first time ever this week, I was asked what my Big Dream is – then I was told to cross that out and dream bigger!
• My Big Dream is to stop working at my day job when I turn 60. That’s nine years from now folks!
• I’ve learned that I CAN make that happen
• I’ve *finally* identified when I know to be my purpose in life (coming shortly)
• Through all of this I’ve learned that my partner is the exactly who I need him to be and I am amazed and grateful beyond belief that NONE of these rather big shifts in my mindset have intimidated him in any way. HE recently commented on how much he loves what I’ve done.
• I am no longer Crabby Lucy who would rather *not* deal with people.
• I’ve *loved* meeting each new small business client.
• I believe in the possibilities – all of them! I started this second business with the idea to have 3-5 clients and maybe make ab extra $500/mo.I have 11 right now. I should have 14 by the end of the month. That’s $2,200/mo right now. Mind=blown! I feel like I still have room to add those other 3 (in contacts with them currently) and one more for sure.
• I’ve read more self-help/spiritual books than even in my life and I soak them UP!
• I’ve learned to love myself. I mean it. Yeah, there are still times when one of those nagging Inner Mean Girl (great book!) voices pops up, but I’ve gotten pretty good and re-directing those.
• I’m working now on truly hearing and listening to my intuition. I do need to trust it more, and I will!

So – my purpose: In my mind one of the reasons that I was often perplexed at why I so often flailed and failed at making friends is because I knew in my HEART that I am the best damn friend you would ever want. Really. During one of my journal writing sessions I just completely took ownership of that. NOTHING makes me happier or fills me with more joy than seeing the people who I love achieve their dreams. Cheering them on brings chills up my spine and tears to my eyes every single time. The same joy I felt rooting for my sons translates over to my friends at the same level. So I will do *whatever* I can to help them cross their own personal finish line. If THEY are committed, then I will look at what they want and figure out how I can help – small or big it doesn’t matter. It takes a village and I am IN IT with everyone with all my heart. It’s why I have the roommate that I do. And now I understand completely that it’s why I am loving every aspect of the bookkeeping business. It’s why I have always loved my day job at the non-profit university (our product is educated people – totally on board with that mission!) I’m supposed to be using my talents in stewarding wealth for entrepreneurs so that their flow of wealth has a clear path so that they can reach their Big Dreams. I work WITH them, not FOR them and they know I am there to lift them up. I tell their story with numbers 🙂 I was already kind of articulating that in my Getting To Know You phone calls or face to face meetings, but now I absolutely get the whole picture. The bottom line is that both my Material Wealth AND my Spiritual wealth are filled in this process. When I lift YOU up, I am lifting myself up as well. I cannot do any of this alone – so why should you?