Spare me the mommy wars – please!

Ugh! Again with the Mommy Wars in the media? Ok, I suppose first we should blame whoever conducted this “controversial study”. I mean really,what’s the damn point? No, I wont look it up to link to it and give it more eyeballs. I find the premise of it insulting enough. Apparently the gist of THIS one is that WOHM moms are more satisfied overall and happier? Anderson Cooper decided to do a whole panel on his new daytime show on the topic inluding featuring a working mom who calls SAHM’s lazy. ((eyeroll))

May I just drop my opinion here that there is NO REDEEMING VALUE TO THIS TOPIC?

Why in bloody hell do people NEED to pigeonhole entire segments of society for no reason other than to make themselves feel better?


Here’s the real answer: You know who is happiest? The men and women who are living their lives to THEIR fullest potentials however THEY define that!!

For the sake of this argument let’s focus just on mom’s – but the same answer applies. I know some truly HAPPY and truly MISERABLE women who Stay at Home, Work from Home, and Work outside the Home. What makes them happy or miserable in their roles as moms is all about how happy or miserable they are as INDIVIDUALS on an everyday basis.

Because that is what this is at it’s core – an INDIVIDUAL PREFERENCE.

Let’s say that ALL THINGS ARE EQUAL. That every mom has the financial situation to choose. Every mom has a co-parent (let’s just all let out a huge groan right now about how this whole thing IMPLIES a HUSBAND vs a WIFE as a partner – how limiting!) who would support whichever choice she makes. Her kid(s) have no special health needs and schools and childcare  in the area are FABULOUS!

Given all that….I don’t need science…I know myself and many of my close friends. And I can tell you with 100% conviction that we would all choose different paths! Some of us would choose to work no matter what because that keeps us sane & balanced. Some of us would choose to stay at home because THAT keeps us sane and balanced. Some would choose to do one or the other for just a few years and then switch. Some would work part time during school hours only. Some would work from home. I mean – possibilities are endless when all external drivers are controlled, right? Then it becomes about internal desires. And some of us were born with a yearning to be at home with our kids and some of us were born with a passion for a particular career.

How about we all CHEER EACH OTHER ON and try to do our best to make sure we all have the opportunity to make those decisions for ourselves?

WHY are we compelled to pass judgment? Why must we push one group down in order to prop ourselves up? If you have guilt over your choice or your situation that is YOUR PROBLEM and you don’t get to alleviate that guilt by trying to make out that MY situation is somehow WORSE than yours (and vice versa of course).

Why the fuck do we need some group doing some study on this? What intrinsic value does it provide other than to make one group feel superior? It’s bloody stupid and divisive and a waste of time and money.

I cheer for my friends who find their dream jobs.

I ache for my friend who desperately wants to stay home with her baby, but can’t afford it.

I ache for friends who cannot have children at all.

I cheer friends who decide they don’t want kids.

I cheer friends who are having their sixth child.

I cheer for my friends who always knew they wanted to be married and having babies and staying home with them and who find exactly that.

I cheer or ache for friends no matter what the scenario according to what is THEIR HEARTS DESIRE. Not mine. Not anyone else. THEIRS.

I don’t LIMIT anyone by forcing them into a theoretical BOX.

I would appreciate it if the media, researchers, and everyone else would please do the same.

6 thoughts on “Spare me the mommy wars – please!

Add yours

  1. PREACH! Seriously, where do they find these jugey Judys who s*it all over other women’s decisions? IRL I don’t know a single person like that. I have been a SAHM and a WOHM, and let me tell you neither scenario is all roses and sunshine all the time.


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