I think I remember what I wanted to say last week! They were talking on the morning radio show here about focusing on the journey of life, not the destination. It made me think about how things have changed so much in my life. I was living in a fog up until about 7 years ago. Not just in a fog, pretty much in a fantasyland! Seriously, I would lose myself in daydreams all the time. It was so bad, that I would daydream in the bathroom at work!! Oh gawd, did I type that?? Seriously though, I remember doing that. Sheesh. Anyhow, during that time if you had asked me if I was happy, I would have said I was “content”. Not happy..not consiously UNhappy either though. I was just existing. Going about each day without connectivity to anything and certainly with no idea of who I really was and what I wanted. Rather than escaping into drugs or booze, I daydreamed. Safer for sure, but still not the way to go through life.
Then I met SP. Oh my. What a difference love makes!!
Now, I really feel completely happy with everything. Each day IS the destination. A part and parcel of the journey and a step to be treasured. Be it positive or negative I try to feel passionately every day. Some days that amounts to anger and frustration..but..HEY..at least I am not daydreaming in the bathroom anymore!!
The point of all this is that SP occassionally questions what is going on inside my head. Wonders what my secret thoughts and dreams are. Well, there are none! I have it all out there all the time now. Nothing hidden. No secrets. No fantasies. Just living each day as it comes and focusing on staying connected for good or bad happy or sad. Ok, that was part of a really sappy song, wasn’t it? I love my man (though he is driving me nuts right now!! Hi Sweetie), love my boys, love my job, love my house, love my friends, love to play in my garden and volunteer for the baseball club and go to Padres games and read my political blogs etc etc.
Life is good and I love that living in the moment is now second nature to me.
Trees & Flowers & Birds! 
Wow, that’s the place to be! Wonderful!
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Bina, I laughed out loud at your first line, I think I remember what I wanted to say last week!. That is just too funny to me. It also completely fits your sweet self.
Open and honest, I fully agree. I used to be a very closed and introverted person. I’m still shy in public or in group settings where I don’t know a whit about anyone, but I have come a long way from the mousey Sherm that I was once.
For me, the divorce was the impetus (after some freak out time). And the online communities I participate in have only encouraged me. I’m glad I didn’t have to wait those 7 years in between, myself. 🙂
I’m just happy you’re so happy. Almost pointless to be any other way (even though we all have our life shit to deal with), in general, it’s a damn good mood!
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Ah Bina, I laughed out loud too, but for a different reason. The image of you daydreaming in the bathroom!!! hahahahhahaaha
I can’t imagine you being like that now, that is not the you I know, the you that has been brought back to earth, to living for the moment, by Marcus, your love.
This is a beautiful post and it obviously was worth waiting for. I’m glad we can post comments again too. Hope you are having a great trip to Sacremento. I remember doing the same thing while in elementary school, learning about CA history. Very nice. Hope Alex enjoys it too.
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