Goodbye my friend

How do you mourn the passing of someone you never set eyes on in real life?

How do you explain why you feel a hole in your heart over someone you never once hugged yourself?

How do you become a family over a flickering monitor?

I don’t know, it’s some sort of magical human connection for sure, but all I know is waking up to the email from the DH of our August Mom sister in Melbourne announcing her passing last night, well, it just ripped all of us apart.

A lucky few of us had met J over the years. Traveling to Australia meant looking her up naturally, just as it is anywhere we go where an August mom may be near. Our dear mom in Tasmania was the closest geographically and spoke with her when the news hit the list last week that J had been denied a chance at a clinical trial for cancer treatment and was looking for hospice care.

We thought we had a few weeks. Tasmania-mom told us that J would love to receive cards from all of us to brighten up her room. I hadn’t sent mine yet. I wanted to go to a specialty store to pick up a particularly festive one and with the three day weekend here, it had not yet gone out.

I thought we had a few weeks.

I think J did too because her last message to us spoke of her intention to get things in order and enjoy her last weeks with the family hopefully not in too much pain. Weeks, not days.

So now our cards of love will go out to her family. Husband and three children. A 17 year old daughter, a 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son.

I hope they know their beloved mom was also beloved to us for the last 13-14 years. I hope they know they have an extended family out here enveloping them in virtual hugs, crying with them for our loss.

Rest in peace my August mom sister.

10 thoughts on “Goodbye my friend

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  1. Well, this made me tear up because I know this feeling exactly x 2. I thought I had time too. One thing I also know is that other people don’t understand how it’s possible to grieve someone who “isn’t real to you”.

    The truth is that relationships exist in different forms, bonds are made in many different ways.

    I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I can sympathize. My condolences to you and to the family of your dear friend.


  2. What a truly beautiful tribute to our cyber sister, J. Thank you so much Christina for posting this. You have a way with words!


  3. Because there was just a chance that one of us my stop crying our eyes out huh???

    Seriously though — you pretty much summed up what I’m feeling.

    Did I mention, though, that I HATE cancer.


  4. Thank you for putting into words what we all are feeling.

    I was one of the lucky few who met her, and her delightful family, in person. On the day after they closed on a new house and were living amoung boxes and packing, they took time off to meet up with us as we were passing through Melbourne. It was a fabulous afternoon – one that I cherished then, and even more so now.

    My heart breaks for her family, that must now forge on without her. She leaves a hole in our fabric, but it’s nothing compared to the empty space they must now face. My tears, my hugs, and my hopes for healing are winging their way.


  5. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. I know how it is to lose someone that you know only online yet really know. It is a genuine loss, just as if you’d lost someone you have known and met and hugged and cried with. It’s a real loss.

    I think that if all the August Moms send those letters and cards to her family, J’s loved ones will know all those things and will know that they can count on you other moms when they need or want to. Let them know. Let them know how to reach you. You can be there for them. They need you all now.

    Sending a hug.


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