Contradictions

I like to think of myself as a positive thinking person. OK, that’s wrong. I happen to know that I AM a pretty first class Pollyanna most of the time. My glass is ALWAYS full. My first impressions of just about everyone/anything are good. I can make excuses with the best of them. Hell, in high school I went through this entirely ditsy Power of Positive Thinking phase when I wrote P.O.P.T on everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. My head was firmly IN the sand and I would not consider the negative side of anything for any reason. It was completely lame, but I own it. And it was a good exercise to go through because it sure did train my brain to lean more to the happy side of life during a time of typical teen angst. Later on when Real Life handed out a few rotten lemons, that blindly sunny way of thinking kept my head above water – it just got a little less blind along the way.

Underneath it all though, I’m a real judgmental, impatient witch! Oh yeah, I know it. I own that too 🙂 I’ve unleashed a few rants here to prove it. I can bitch about stupid people & things like no other. My expectations of the world and people around me are HIGH. Fail to meet them and I will take you DOWN. Hopefully not to your face, but I’ve messed up a few times there too. I kinda have no trouble with confrontation (Yeah, bad combo. Judgmental & assertive!). I let myself get frustrated at some of the most INANE things. And that just pisses me off more and….GAH!..what happened to POPT?!!

It really hit me the other day when I was in a grocery store parking lot with SportsBoy in the car with me which is a place that is just RIPE for irritation what with the pedestrians and carts and cars going the wrong way and cars STOPPING in the mother effing NO STOPPING lanes and…..oh…..Anyhoo, I was going down a lane and there was an SUV with open spots to its right and to its left. As I approached it I was going to pull into the spot on the right (passenger) side, but both doors were swung open blocking access, so I went on the other spot on the driver’s side and started to wing in when I saw that THAT back door was ALSO wide open though not quite blocking the spot as much. Still, I was mad and I said out loud as I eased more slowly into the spot “Geez lady, way to hog the parking lot! Yeah, that’s right kid, shut the door please so other people can park!” Whereupon SB said “Gosh mom, the kid’s only like four years old, give him a break!”

Ouch.

He was right of course. Did it really matter? Did I need to let myself get that annoyed over a parking spot?

Clearly I need to be more zen. More forgiving. More POPT with my slightly more rose colored glasses back on.

I also think I need to not let it out at the moment as frequently, but maybe write it out more here and also make myself counterbalance my rants with some nicer observations to re-train my brain.

Maybe Disses & Kisses? With perhaps a few more Disses at first because there seem to be a backlog of them. Particularly in parking lots……..