This is a gentle reminder on how to behave with class and kindness and some modicum of respect for others.
Sometimes, people don’t live their best lives. They display the flaws and issues in their personalities more than their better and loving sides. Sadly, there are some people who when their life is over, have unfortunately left a lot of people in their wake who are not terribly sad that they are gone.
For whatever reason though, there will be a few people who do get to see their best sides more often than others. For those people, they will be sad when that person dies, even though they know that person had ‘issues’.
Now, I am not talking about a criminal, a murderer or anything nearly so dire. I am talking about someone who led a lawful life, but just made some horrible mistakes in regards to conducting friendships. More often than not, they went out in a blaze of glory and extremely hurt feelings. But not all of them.
So, this is my roundabout way of saying that if you were one of those who was hurt by someone and are one of those people who was NOT sad to find out someone had died, when you encounter one of the few lucky ones who saw the deceased person’s better side most of the time and who DID feel a loss, how about you keep your opinions on the deceased to yourself eh?
To put it more directly: If you are one of the seemingly many people in Jacqueline’s past who was hurt by her and refused to friend her on Facebook years later because you didn’t want to dredge up those issues? Please shut up about it when you cross my path. All you are doing is making a tremendous ass of yourself by showing such a bitter and vindictive side of your own personality. Dropping your issues on me is NOT OKAY. I am not her proxy. I do not deserve that, ESPECIALLY if you are someone who I have not spoken a word to since high school over 30 years ago. I didn’t think it was appropriate for two people to show up to her memorial brunch two years ago and stand up and trash her in front of friends who did love her, and I don’t think it is appropriate two years later to great me with ‘Hi, great to see you in person! It’s been so fun catching up with you Facebook! I was so shocked to read about J’s passing, but I refused to friend her on Facebook because she was so awful to me back in college and…blah blah blah…’ Can you imagine the hit to my gut that was? Meeting up with old high school friends last night and having laughed and had a really lovely time and then I was hit with that! I just sat there stunned not knowing what to say…feeling like I had to apologize for my dead friend who wasn’t there, but then thinking “wait a damn minute! why does she think this is OK to do this to me?”
Because it wasn’t OK. And even though as I was leaving very soon after she did tell me respected me and was impressed with how I had stood by Jacqueline, there was no apology. No remorse for having pretty much ruined my night.
And in all the years I knew Jacqueline she had NEVER said an unkind word about this person. And trust me, if she did carry any animosity towards someone she TOLD me! She *was* brutal that way. But never a word about this person at all.
Anyway, world, just needed to get that off my chest. Sorry if I rambled but I guess the overall message is to just abide by that golden rule eh? Don’t speak ill of the dead. Especially not to someone who doesn’t share your opinion.
I am sorry about your friend’s passing, Christina. I don’t know how people could say this after a person’s death. The thing is people change after high school and college. It is a pathetic comment, really.
Thanks Elisa. It just floors me how clueless people can be. And she said these things to me in front of her 13 year old son! What kind of an example is that? You see so clearly that there were two sides to their friendship souring I think.
Oh wow!! I am sorry!! People suck. It reminds me of something a wise man told me, when dealing with times like these. “If you can’t improve upon silence…don’t.”
You can’t imagine what some people have said to ME about my mother-in-law. UGH!!
Hang in there sweetie!! 😉